i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
