You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
