look no pants
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize