No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
