so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
