fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize