he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
worst night to have a conscience
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
