Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
