I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh god it's open bar.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
