But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
