i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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