He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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