bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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