You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
