I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you had me at cake vodka
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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