either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sobbing to NWA
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
