I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
