I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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