Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
