would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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