at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
