i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
