I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
