i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
