Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude i'm inner monologue high
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
