the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
