Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
