we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
