I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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