he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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