I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
