Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
