I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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