I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
