Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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