I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize