if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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