what day is it and did you see me today?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
