I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize