just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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