Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
