I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
