Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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