He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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