i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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