You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish you could order shots online.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
