Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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