If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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