seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
