Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
