so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
