dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
