If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
