Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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