my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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