when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
