ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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