What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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