Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
