I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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