and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize