I need help removing her.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
