You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
