Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
