Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she looked like the before picture.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
