last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
