Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
