she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
