I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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