u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
