I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
